Hawg Dawg rasslin' 2006

I was easin' around them hawg pens down at th' Winnfield Fair Grounds a few nights b'fore that Uncle Earl's Hawg Dawg rasslin' match commenc't. I waited 'til way on after dark, so I could git around nex' t' th' pens and give some 'a them younger hawgs a few pointers on how t' act when they come out in th' arena with all them folks hollerin' and stompin' fer their dogs t' bay a hawg. It's important fer us hawgs t' keep our dignity when we on stage, y' might say, not to git th' blood up an' give them pore dogs a good slashin' in th' gut. We got a' image t' maintain, and we got t' put on a good show.

Most a' them young boars had stage fright, bein' afraid they wouldn' make a good 'pearance in their first perfessional appearance. But I takened my time an' told 'em they didn' have nothin' much t' worry about, and jist git out there and have a good time runnin' 'round them dawgs and keep 'em confused as long as they could.

It was way 'long into th' night when I figgered I had done an' give 'em all th' advice they needed, an' I started on back t'wards my stompin' ground back up on Dugdemony. It had got quiet enough I wad'n scared t' take a short cut right up th'ough th' middle a' Winnfield. I meant t' mosey on a'past th' Post Office, down Main Street, an' on out Possum Neck to my hideout. Well, I run smack splat int'a a dead end. Looked like th' Post Office was hid off on some li'l ol' side street, and I had t' clim' over curbs an' around barricades a' headin' across town. I hadn't no mor'n got my bearin's til I seen this big ol' sow standin' there on a corner, all bowed up, jis' standin' there like a statue. I got up closter, and noticed, Dern, that sow's in bad trouble. She had some kind of a rig on 'er, looked like a set 'a overhauls er some such. Well, I got up clost enough t' speak, without rousin' up no po-lice that might be takin' a nap behind th' wheel. "Are you in trouble?" I asked. Well sir, she never said a mumblin' word. Jist stood there, bowed up, surly lookin' like I mighta insulted 'er. I tried ag'in. Still, solid sulled up. Well, I can tell when I'm bein' ignored, so I went on down th' street, and derned if they wadn' another ol' sow, that could'a been her twin sister, 'cept she was dressed up in a rig with wings on 'er back. I tried t' speak to 'er, and she sulled, too.

Well, I said t' myself, if you ol' sows is so hard hearted you can't even speak t' a' ol' Piney Woods Rooter, when ain't nobody lookin,' you ain't no kin 'a mine, so I'm outta here and y'all can go t' glory fer all I care.

If I c'n figger out where them hard-hearted sows come from, I aim t' stay away from that place, cause I sure wouldn' want t' have t' git dressed up like some kind 'a high-toned hootenanny jist t' have some friendly conversation.