It was Mother's Day, and I had graciously agreed to take Miriam out to dinner in Monroe, and tag along without complaining while she did a bit of shopping. She had plans to leave the following week for a visit with grandchildren in Houston and needed a few items for the trip.

With dinner over, we made for J.C. Penney in the mall. After hanging around with her for five or six minutes, I pulled out, telling her I'd wait for her around the front door where we came in. No rush, I said. Take your time. Mother's Day, you know; can't be pushy.

It happened that the entrance I made it to was the men's department. Brightly colored shirts, ties, cool looking pants. My daily wardrobe is mostly WalMart, so I idly poked around the shirt rack, just checking. After flinching at the prices, I happened to glance at the little tags inside the collar and noted the small dark-colored sewn-in insert that listed, among other interesting information, the following: Made in Viet Nam. Viet Nam? I puzzled. I guess the war is really over. I was looking at one of the "hot" brands favored by the beautiful people. I moved to another stash nearby. Big brand. Made in Bangladesh.

What is this? I thought. The name on the marquee is iconic capitalism - James Cash Penney, right in there with F.W. Woolworth, Henry Ford and all the other Founding Fathers.

The more I looked, the more interested I became, checking out every collar tag I could get to. India. Pakistan. Honduras. Guatemala. Mexico. Cambodia. Philippines.Indonesia. China. Dominican Republic. Thailand. Korea. Jordan. Taiwan.

I had not gotten out of the men's sport clothes section. Surely there's something Made in the U.S.A.? I began looking for brands. Dockers? Pierre Cardin? Over There OK, here's a brand that has to be made here. "Original Arizona Jeans." Mexico. At least that's close. OK, "Brooklyn Jeans Company?" Sultanate of Oman. "U.S. Polo Association?" Turkey and Kenya.

I had gotten over to shoes by this time. Nike. But before I could find the tags, Miriam came down the aisle, ready to leave. So, I had to leave before completing the World Tour.

Next time someone says "GLobalization," I think I'll know a little more about what they're talking about.

"Scientific" research

My famous brother often sends me stuff via email that is interesting. Here's some of his "Scientific" research, from someone he calls Steven Wright, the erudite scientist whose mind sees things differently than we do,to our amazement and amusement. Here are some of his gems:

1. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2. Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3. Half the people you know are below average.
4. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8. If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain.
9. All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11. I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
12. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
20. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23. My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32. The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

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