Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
....................................................................Anonymous

It's getting difficult to spin a yarn and make it stick. Consider: On a slow day last month, I answered the phone and a familiar-sounding voice said, "What's the matter with you, Tom? Have you lost your mind?" He didn't have to tell me, but he did; it was a voice I've known for over 50 years, and I've never known it to beat around a bush. "This is Chester (Derr). I was reading your column about the murders, and you said I met you in the woods with film."

In case you missed it, in my recounting last month of my recollections of reporting on the shooting deaths of a Winn parish man and woman and her five-year-old son in 1951reported in detail recently in the area magazine --Old Natchitoches --as Parish, published in Marthavilleincident in the fall of 1952 when the remains of the young boy were found --I included the by hunters in the woods off Highway 167 along the Winn-Grant parish line. As a reporter at the Winn Parish Enterprise, I was grabbed out of the office by a deputy Sheriff and taken to the scene for pictures. Not knowing where I was headed, I left the office with a camera that was short of film, and later radioed the Winn Sheriff's Office to have someone at the Enterprise office bring me more film. I said in the yarn last month it was Chester who brought the film.

Chester, with whom I did work for some years at the Winn Parish Enterprise, and who now operates The Print Shop, a commercial printery on Center Street in Winnfield, and who has always been able to express himself without equivocation, said, "I don't know who it was, but it wasn't me," who brought the film.

Well now, come to think of it, when I wrote that piece last month I had to convince myself that it was indeed Chester who showed up in the woods with the film, and who waited around, took the film to Alexandria for processing, and came back with engravings for an "Extra" edition of The Enterprise later that day. Had to be him.

But, Chester convinced me that he came to work at the paper around 1954Kraft-Neal murder-suicide, and at least two years after the discovery --a good three years after the of the young boy's remains. So, OK. Who was it?

Another member of the owning Riser family, B.G. Newton, was on the staff during that period. B.G. and his wife Dottie, were closer in age and personally to me and my wife, and it is more than likely that B.G. was the courier for the film. But, memory being what it is these days, it could even have been George Larson, the editor, who was married to Ruth Riser. Chester came later. But trust me--it happened, and the other events were as reported.

* * *

As the serenity of a new year settles around us, it may be helpful to ponder these Laws of the Natural Universe, sent via Internet by my famous brother who keeps me in touch with important news I might otherwise miss. To wit:

a. Law of Mechanical Repair--After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you will have to pee.

b. Law of the workshop--Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the most inaccessible corner.

c. Law of Probability--The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

d. Law of the Telephone--When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

e. Law of the Alibi--If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning, you will have a flat tire.

f. Variation Law--If you change checkout lines, or traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

g. Bath Theorem--When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

h. Law of Close Encounters--The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

i. Law of the Result--When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

j. Law of Biomechanics--The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

k.Theater Rule--At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

l. Law of Coffee--As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold.

m. Murphy's Law of Lockers--If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

n. Law of Dirty Rugs--The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly proportional to the newness and cost of the carpeting.

o. Law of Location-- No matter where you go, there you are.

p. Law of Logical Argument--Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

q. Brown's Law--If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

r. Oliver's Law--A closed mouth gathers no feet.

s. Wilson's Law--As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

t. Gas Price Law--Whenever you fill up with gasoline, you will see a station with a lower price within five minutes.

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