RK flung out of house barefoot cold snow day

By Mary K. Hamner
Journal Corresondent

I was a'sleep on the carpet after a night on th town when all uv a sudden, I was outside, on the ground! The old woman was a talkin like she does all thu time bout how beaut-ful the snow is and how I needed some exercise.

"You're a getting too fat," she said. "How do you plan on a keepin the rats thinned out if all you want to do is lay up in the house and sleep. The only thing you get up fer,." she said, "is to suck up a bowl of Meow Mix or to run outside to fertilize thu dirt and then run back in agin! Next thing you know I'll have to enroll you in Weight Watchers and posibly a Yoga exercise class!" What is Weight Watchers anyhow? An Yoga? Ain't that a bear or sumpin?

That snow was purty coverin thu trees and thu jonquils and buttercups. It looked like white frostin an thu birds was a stirrin around a tryin to find a seed or two to eat but that ground wuz cold! My fur is a beginnin to thin out like it does every Spring - an have you ever tried to walk aroun in the snow barefooted?!

The old woman kept a pickin me up and a setting me back down so she could get a picture. I kept a moovin aroun. Ever time she got ready to make that thing in her hand flash, I would move off back toward the front porch. Don't know why she wanted a picture with me a sufferin from paws that were bein frostbit ennyhow.

I been a thinkin bout doin one uv them public opinion polls the old woman hates so much. When its this cold and she can't get outside to rake leaves and mow the grass an stuff she spends her time a readin books or a runnin thu roads. Ever time she gets all caught up in some story or other, and thet phone jangles off the wall, I see her tense up. When she answers it and it ain't one of her friends or her younguns, she ain't very perlite.

I'd start off a takin my survey by a askin if her flowers were a bloomin yet. Thet would probly get her a thinkin about all the snow on the ground an all. Next I'd say sumpin about how cold it was fer barefoot cat paws out in thet ice and did she believe in animal rights. If she hadn't hung up thet phone by then, I'd ask had they'd ever walked barefoot in the snow? Course all uv us know that cats can't talk on the phone and eventually before my toes froze off, the ole woman would let me back inside the house again.

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