A midwinter night’s dream is all about pork

By Mary K. Hamner
Journal Correspondent

RK gets even with P.W. Rooter, if only in his dreams.
It’s mighty cold here lately and it felt good to curl up into the quilt the old woman laid out for me. I was justa dozin off when I heared this noise goin on out side. Sounded like something a rootin around in the leaves just outside the old woman’s hog fence. I just turned over and went on back to sleep but then I remembered them boys a talkin about see’in hog tracks up in the 36 acres up above the old woman’s house.

It warn’t really my business, I thought, and I curled up an went on back to sleep. I dreamed about one of them hawgs a rootin around outside and thought about how upset the old woman would be ifn one rooted up her flower beds. Sooo I decided to go outside and investergate.

When my feet hit that cold ground it was mighty unconfertable but I walked on out and jumped up a top that hog fence them boys built a while back. Sure nuff, there it wuz, one of them hawgs, a rootin around where he oughten to be. I looked him over and then I jumped- right a straddle uv his head. That hog was some surprised but I just kept a holding his head down in thu dirt where he wuz a rootin and not letting him come up fer air. Made me glad fer the weight I had put on over the holidays cause after a while that ole hawg just flopped over and died.

Allus when I eat a rabbit or a rat, I start out on their head. Most uv th time ifn its big, I jus eat half of it and take the rest into the garage where the ole woman can see it and brag on me and save the bottom half fer later. That hog’s snout had a gamey taste and I didn’t quite care fer it. It takes too long to digest and now I know how a boa constrictor feels after he’s swallered something like that ole hog.
By thu time I got all thu eatin and then thu draggin into thu garage done, it was daylight, and I waked up.