What is wrong with that big bird?

By R K Hamner
Special Correspondent

That ole bird has been a settin out in thu ole woman's flower bed for a long time. Fact is even longer than I been a livin here. Don't know why it settled in that particular spot an I ain't seen no records of where it come from. There's no use tryin to talk to her cause it just sets out there night and day and never says a word.

I've tried to converse with her /it/or whatever but that bird never responds in no way. Most birds sing and chirp a lot and I talk a lot. I meow when I want to be fed or when I want to go outside or come in. That big ole bird just sets in the same spot all uv th time, never acts like it's a gonna fly or chirp or nothing.

It's feathers are all the same color too, kinda rusty lookin and if it wasn't standin up so tall and proper you would think it was dead I decided one day that I would try to friendly up with that ole bird. I went out there and cozied up close to it and meowed. That bird never said a word. It didn't flap it's wings or fly off or even blink an eye even after I nicked it a time or two with my front claws.

I've always got along well with other creatures. Rats and rabbits never stop runnin when I want to play chase. Moles run around under the ground and when I ketch one and toss it around it acts like it don't like it. I watch the birds that come to the feeder the ole woman puts out but they fly off when they see me a getting up close but they never just set there like that ole big bird does.

I surely do wonder what his role is in thu ole woman's flower bed . All them other outside critters respond one way or another when I friendly up to them.

Reckon what is wrong with that big ole bird!