The mysterious meanderings of RK, Rat Killer

By R.K. Hamner
Special Correspondent

It all happened this away. I come in from my nightly ramble with my head all skint up. One uv them boys was home and he got kinda worried a thinkin I'd been in a fight with one of them rabid skunks. He rassled me down before I'd even had a bite of my Meow Mix and started washin me down with alkerub after he'd trimmed off part of my hair to try an see where all th blood was a comin from. He told th ole woman that thu blood was a comin from a wound just under my ear on th left hand side uv my jaw.

He doctored me up purty good and him an th ole woman decided thet I needed tu stay inside th house fer a while until they'd had a chanct tu see whether or not it was sumpin serious. I got th side of my head shaved and bathed agin with alkerub and sume kind of salve th ole woman had on hand. I finaly got a chanct to swaller up sume Meow Mix, then, lay up tu rest after my night a rambllin, like I usualy do.

Well time rocked on an th ole woman just kept me a layin up inside. I didn't mind much since th weather was kinda cold and frosty, besides, I was embarrassed tu let my friends see me with one side of my head all shaved.

Thu ole woman kept on a putting alkerub and some kind of other stuff on my wound and thu famly kept a frettin about what had happened to me.

Finaly, one day after th ole woman had spent sume time on th phone a talkin, she gathered me up, stuffed me in that cage I hate, and flung me intu th car. Course I knowed where we was a goin, thu same place we allus go down tu see that Dr. Bethea and Lisa. As usual, I started in a yowling and kept it up till th ole woman made it to our destination.

Now I like Lisa, but that Dr., he always pokes me with a needle or sumthin and causes me to be happy to get back intu my travelin cage. It weren't nuthin but a abcess, he said. After he shot me up and scribed sume stuff fer th ole woman to poke in a hole in my "absess", th ole woman an me got to go along home.

Now several weeks down th road after I cume home with my head all bloody and skint, nobody really knows where I'd been, what I was-a doin, or who I was in a fight with with. Was it a rabid skunk, a bobcat, or a alligator. I'll never tell.