There comes a time in an old man's life when he has pretty much said everything he knows. Often several times, to hear wives and young children testify, rolling their eyes.

I have vivid recollections from the days before radio, and then television, separated families into "demographics" to be "marketed" to, thus having no need to talk to each other. The families, often including members from three or four generations, gathered after supper in their living rooms around the fire place in winter, or on the long front porch--call it "the gallery"--in summers before A/C, where they sat, the elders talking, the youngsters listening before nodding and being sent to wash their feet and go to bed. There was often some item of current news related by one of the adults, and commented on by the others until all the juice was talked out of it. And just as often, after reviewing what passed as "news" was done with, one of the "old stories" would emerge, to the soft sound of Garrett's snuff-bearing spit being ejected out into the cool of the evening. These stories included such things as who married whom, who their parents, siblings, and relatives were, the names of their children and farm animals, dumb or unusual things they had done or said by which they were identified forever in living memory, when they died and where they were buried if they were no longer alive, and often an evaluation of their mistakes and triumphs, implying an admonition to either beware, or emulate, for the sake of any youths who might still be awake and listening.

And if one were involved with such a family over a period of time, years, say, and listened in on these homespun "oral histories," he or she would probably be able to predict the order and content of many of the narratives, with few nuances or details changed from one telling to the next. If one were so inclined, one could "call up" a certain story with as much ease as placing a familiar CD into the player, simply by asking an innocent question, or making an observation containing the right cues. My children, and several others who have known me long enough, would recognize this as the "Grandpa Jones' Goat" trick, from a Mark Twain story to which I often refer.

Since so much of modern life is taken up with the 24-hour demands of our intrusive society--web surfing, deleting personal enhancement ads from our email box, hanging up on persistent telemarketers, dodging inane commercials interrupting the serenity of our old movies on TV, trashing mail solicitations from every political party and do-good charity foundation in the country--there is much less time for or interest in "old stories" by old men, or anyone else. Why listen to your great grandfather tell how Aunt Jane fell in the well again, when it's time for The Daily Show? Why, indeed!

And so, in the time thus spared me from retelling a lot of old yarns, I have begun to organize and catalog many of the most threadbare pieces, giving them numbers which would identify and shorten the time needed to have a family get-together. For instance, "Your Uncle Joe fell off a horse once and . . ." simply becomes Number 12. "Your mother once ran off with . . ." is Number 16. You get the idea.

For the old married couple, I can offer a set of comments to cover most situations.
No. 1. Don't make a mess.
No. 2. Pick up your shoes.
No. 3. It's Friday; take out the trash.
No. 4. Clean out your car.
No. 5. Pick up my prescription at the pharmacy.

Of course, none of this is original with me. I learned years ago when chasing after policemen on patrol that law enforcement had figured this out already. You remember the Ten Codes, which migrated into civilian life during the CB radio craze back in the Sixties . . . The most ubiquitous "Ten-Four," which means anything from "Yes, Sir," to "I heard that!"

Others in common usage, the "Ten-Nine?" uttered with the rising inflection of a question, of course, is "Please repeat the message," or "What the heck did you say?" The Ten-Twenty, "What's your location?" Or, "Where y'all at?" And "Ten-Twenty Two," which means "Disregard the last message," or "Get outta town, boy! . . . forget about it!"

The religious communities have their own systems. For example, "John 3:16," or "Exodus 20." And lots more.

So, if your life is just too darn busy to talk about . . . pick a number . . . any number . . .

This one is Ten-Twenty-Four. And I'm Ten-Seven.

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