New Book & Texas church

I'm layin' low fer a few days since I h'yeard about that new book that Newt Hyde has got on th' market about dogs an' hawg huntin'. Lots 'a folks talks a right smart about hawg huntin' and their bay dogs an' such, but I can tell you, a feller like Newt is a caution t' watch out fer when he goes t' th' woods with his hounds.

A heap 'a my kinfolks has learned their lesson th' hard way, and I don't aim t' git between him an' a hound no time soon. You c'n read about him an' his book in this here paper, an' if nothin' would do you but t' learn somethin' about th' real science 'a hawg huntin,' well, you could go an' buy his book. I ain't gon' tell you where, 'cause that would be dangerous to me an' mine. But, do it if you will.

Fer th' rest 'a y'all, I picked up this here little piece 'a religious news some'ers down th' road, and thought y'all might get a right smart 'a inspiration from it.

You know you're in a Texas church when . . .

People wonder when Jesus fed 5,000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.

People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.

The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," and five guys stand up.

Opening day of hunting season is a recognized official church holiday.

A member of the church requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

When it rains, everyone is smiling.

Prayers regarding the weather are standard practice.

The choir group is known as The O.K. Chorale.

The pastor wears boots.

Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.

There is no such thing as "secret" sin.

Baptism is refereed to as "branding."

There's a special fund raiser for a new septic tank.

Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.

High notes on the organ can set dogs to howling.

People think "rapture" is when you lift something too heavy.

The final words in the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, ya hear."