Fast walkin'

I was moseyin' up th'ough one a' my fav'rit Piney Woods trails in the light 'a th' moon one ev'nin' not too long ago, jist cruisin' along figgerin' what I was gon' do when I won th' Piney Woods Lottery. Prob'ly invest the whole wad in watermelon futures, 'r maybe keep some on th' side t' buy up a trainload 'a deer corn, jis' t' make sure they was plenty whenever I takened a notion to munch down. I wouldn' be no hawg about it, if y' know what I mean. I'd be plumb nice t' all 'a my relations 'n most 'a th' neighbors, n' share th' corn anytime they really needed he'p. (I've always knowed I had th' guts t' be a real mag-nanny-mus wealthy hawg, but jist ain't never had th' means equal t' my intentions.)

It always makes me feel better t' think about big money, an' I jist kinda stepped up th' pace, hikin' on th'ough th' flatwoods. I come around a big gum stump in th' trail, and blam! Right there in th' middle 'a th' trail was this big ol' overgrown shoat, wearin' a bill cap an' a badge. I could see his eyes flashin' green in th' moonshine, and he waved at me t' stop and show my ear marks.

He looked at my credentials, right solemn like, and then he said, "Mister Rooter, did you know you was steppin' over the limit here on this trail?"

Dern speed trap, I said t' myself. What in tarnation is that fer, way out here in th' middle 'a th' woods?

"Why shore I was kickin' up a right smart dust, Depity Hawg, but dern, weren't nobody out 'a doors but you an' me here on this li'l ol' pig trail this time 'a night," I snorted. "If I'd 'a hubbed a saplin' it wouldn' 'a hurt nobody but me, nohow. Why ain't you at th' house readin' th' funny papers in th' place 'a hangin' around out here behind a stump in th' woods har'rassin' th' likes 'a me, that ain't done you no harm, yet."

Well sir, that depity didn' care no more 'bout chalkin' me up for fast walkin' than if I'd 'a been from Minnesota. I'm puttin' out th' word t' all 'a my bunch t' take another trail when they start t' town. An' that's one more that don't git no corn when I grab that lottery.