Hollywood Calls

This comes under the heading of, "Billy Ray, you ain't gon' believe this . . . " so, pull up one of them Jake Creel cowhide bottom rockers, get yourself a fresh pinch of Cope and a clean Dixie Cup, and let me tell you.

It was a slow afternoon one day last month when the phone rang, and an un-Southern female voice asked to speak to Mister Tom Kelly. Figuring this for a quick in-and-out telemarketing call, I said, "That would be me. How may I help you?" ready to hang up the phone as soon as she started to offer the latest stock market tip. She identified herself as Maggie Smith, and said she represented something called Fangbanger Productions, Inc. in Los Angeles, California.

Well, now, what would you have thought? And so did I-- some kind of nut deal--at which I was ready to hang up and move on. But she talked faster than I could act, and went straight to the pitch. Which was, that Fangbanger Productions is working on a pilot episode for a proposed fall TV series on HBO to be set in North Louisiana. And, they want to use The Piney Woods Journal as "set dressing" in what is probably a country crossroads convenience store called "Grabbit Kwik." All they wanted was for me to sign a release in favor of Fangbanger Productions giving consent to use the PWJ in the filming and airing of the show.

I had to let that sink in for a few seconds, and could not help remarking, "Well, that doesn't sound too bad. But I have to ask, How in the eternal Hell did a production studio in Los Angeles, California light on The Piney Woods Journal as 'set decoration'?"

(For your information, we do mail a few copies of the PWJ to readers in California, as well as a number of other exotic places on the planet. But the likelihood that these expatriate Piney Woods rooters have connections in the entertainment business seemed to me just slightly remote.)

"Glad you asked that," Maggie said, quick as a flash. Among the staff at Fangbanger is a lady named Paige . . . last name something that Maggie called Bow-Zhay. Paige is from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Well, that brought it closer to home, since we do have quite a number of readers in the Capital City, but I had trouble with Bow-Zhay, which did not sound like a regular Louisiana homebody. (I learned years ago during journalistic duty in the Southwest Louisiana Cajun country all about the difference between "Thibodeaux" and "Thibodaux", "Arceneaux" and "Arsenalt," and that "Grawn-Zhay" is spelled G-R-A-N-G-E-R. But no Bow-Zhays.) "Could you spell that?" I asked Maggie. I was by now taking notes on what was becoming more improbable by the minute. "B-O-S-S-I-E-R." Oh, Bossier. So that's the way they say it in Hollywood. And Ms. Bossier, who works in the production department at Fangbanger, had attended a wedding in North Louisiana, where it would have been easy to pick up the PWJ on news stands in any one of several dozen cities, towns, and crossroad locations. Ms. Bossier found The Piney Woods Journal, and, in the words of Maggie Smith, "Loved it." Now it made sense.

"Which edition of The Journal do you have?" I asked Maggie. It was Volume 10, Number 12, the current May, 2007 number, indicating that Paige had not long ago been on the scene in North Louisiana.

OK, I said, send me the release form. Which Maggie did, via fax within the next five minutes. I signed it, faxed it back, and will breathlessly await the show--which has the working title "True Blood," which could mean anything.

And, at Maggie's request, I packed up a bundle of a couple dozen recent copies of The Journal and FedEx'd them to the Fangbanger address, at Hollywood Central Studios on Las Palmas Ave. in Los Angeles CA.

I hope the show--if it actually "makes"--isn't about snakes. I hate snakes. But . . . if it's nationwide recognition via "product placement,". . . can't complain.

I would like to know that if the Fangbangers really do a show set in North Louisiana, they understand the Three Cultures of Louisiana, and that we in North Louisiana don't speak French, don't really understand gumbo, and aren't exactly sure what the Pope does for a living.

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